After reading this post from Stephanie over at Figments of a Mom, I got some inspiration to write my own variation on this subject. Although, I always aspired to be a mother, I pictured the process and the experience to be quite different. And I didn’t expect to become a mother before I had finished “doing me” so to speak.
I am not one for regrets, so I never regret the birth of my son, nor would I change anything for the world! But, I often wonder how different my life would be without B.
My son motivates me every day of my life. He makes me want to get up in the morning and do something great. I want him to be proud of me for being his mommy. I want him to read my posts one day and say, “Wow! My mom is awesome.” So, if he wasn’t around would I be so motivated?
Would I still be second guessing my ability to finish college? Or, would I be living in New York City working for a publishing company or pursuing journalism?
I said I would be married for a few years and travel with my hubby before we had children. Instead, I found out I was pregnant a few short weeks after our engagement. Not what I expected.
My husband and I are in our late-20s-early-30s with a two and a half year old, and we live with my parents. Not what I expected.
But, the grass always seems to be greener on the other side. I remember when I was young and single, all’s I wanted was to be married with children. Now that I am married with children, I wish I was not so much young or not so much single, but have the freedom to explore my potential! Then, I think would it really make a difference?
Without my B I wouldn’t have the drive or the energy I do to do what I do. And, I wouldn’t have much to write about! I wouldn’t have found my passion for blogging. I wouldn’t have found such an awesome community of people and moms. Or would I?
My problem was always consistency through my twenties and nothing ever really satisfied me or was ever good enough. As my gram would say, “You never finish anything, or stay with anything for that matter.”
I was a stylist/colorist, an insurance representative, a waitress, a bartender, a pre-school teacher, a nanny, a financial aid loan originator, a softball coach, a competitive cheerleading coach, and presently a teacher’s assistant/job coach & columnist, some things I stuck with and some of those I didn’t (partly due to my ADD, but that my friends is a whole other post!)
But, mamahood I have been really consistent with! Now, I know you are thinking well, she doesn’t really have a choice. But, every mom has a choice and I choose every day to be an awesome ma. And, quite frankly, I think I’m good at it. I may not always make the right decisions, but I learn from my mistakes. In my eyes, learning from your mistakes is one of the key elements that makes you better at what you do. The most important thing is, being a mom makes me happy. Honestly, it makes me truly happy. I feel complete. That doesn’t mean I don’t have days where I want to run away and never come back, but maybe being a mom is what was missing from my life in the first place!
So, I will continue to dream and continue to pursue my dreams in the best way I can, taking my family into consideration of course. But, also making them fully aware of my dreams and aspirations, without leaving them in the dark. Even if those dreams and aspirations are not possible at that time, it doesn’t mean never.
I always thought I would never be good at what I do, and for the first time in my life I do think I am good at what I do.
So, maybe all people (especially mamas) have that list of coulda shoulda wouldas, but would my life really be all that different if my son and hubby were not in my life? Would it be any better?
Come on, my life would be boring without these two handsome boys!
Just a thought.